Disclaimer: The information contained in this article is derived from secondary sources and is intended for satirical and critical commentary purposes only. The author does not claim firsthand knowledge of the events described.
Facts: what happened and when.
In the wake of the gas explosion that rocked Nairobi’s Embakasi area on the 2nd of February, 2023, a tragic day was etched into the memory of Kenyans. A residential building, businesses, and cars were left in ruins, over 270 people found themselves in hospital beds, and seven lives—including the innocent life of a child—were snuffed out in a blast that seemed to have come straight out of a poorly scripted action movie. But this was no movie. This was real life, and the plot twists in the aftermath have been nothing short of bewildering.
The confusion on the gouvernement side.
Initially, the government appeared as confused as a toddler in a quantum physics lecture, first suggesting that the explosion occurred during the refilling of a gas cylinder, only to later correct themselves to state that a gas cylinder in a lorry was the true culprit. It’s reassuring to know that clarity is a top priority for our leaders in times of crisis.
The Energy and Petroleum Regulatory Authority (EPRA) was quick to jump onto the scene, tweeting faster than a socialite drops names at a cocktail party, that the gas refilling plant was illegal and did not meet safety standards. But here’s the kicker: Two high-level government officials, CS Kindiki Kithure and the CS of Energy, revealed that this rogue plant had been demolished not once, but twice before, in 2020 and 2021. It begs the question: Who exactly is this Houdini of gas plants, defying government and court orders with the same ease as a cat ignores its owner?
The confession and helplesness.
Predictably, everyone from the deputy president to the man selling roasted maize on the corner wants to weigh in. Deputy President Rigathi Gachagua promises that responsible parties will face the music (one can only hope it’s not the same old tune we’ve heard before). Even the President, in a moment of fiery rhetoric at a public rally, ordered the closure of the nefarious establishment and prosecution of both the owners and those who issued the licenses.
Capital Fm report DCI having arrested some
Amidst the cacophony of voices and the dizzying spin of the blame wheel, our ever-vigilant Directorate of Criminal Investigations (DCI) stepped into the limelight with an announcement that was sure to quell the public’s thirst for justice. In a move that could only be described as a masterclass in sleuthing, the DCI proudly proclaimed the arrest of a suspect in connection to the catastrophic event. The people of Nairobi waited with bated breath, expecting the reveal of a nefarious villain, a mastermind of illegal operations.
But alas, the curtains were drawn back to reveal not the puppet master but the marionette. The DCI, in its infinite wisdom, had apprehended none other than… the security guard. Yes, you read that correctly—a security guard. The man whose daily battles likely include warding off loiterers and ensuring the gate is properly locked now finds himself cast as the lead in a tragedy he did not script.
One can only imagine the scene: the poor guard, keys jangling from his belt, possibly dozing off in a chair, suddenly thrust into the center of a national disaster narrative. It’s a script so absurd, one would think it the work of a satirical novelist, yet here we are. According to Capital FM, this man, who probably earns just enough to keep the lights on, is now the face of investigative success.
It appears that the DCI, in lieu of pursuing the elusive owners and operators who have managed to resurrect their illegal enterprise twice after being demolished, have decided that the gatekeeper of Hades is a good enough catch for the day. In a city where the big fish swim free, it seems the minnows are left to bear the brunt of the law.
This development leaves one to ponder the message being sent. Are the gears of justice so rusty that they grind to a halt at the first sign of resistance from the powerful, only to then lurch forward to ensnare the low-hanging fruit? If accountability is the goal, then surely we must set our sights higher than the humble gatekeeper.
The citizens of Nairobi, and indeed all Kenyans, watch with a mixture of frustration and disbelief. They look on as the narrative unfolds, a narrative that seems to say, “We have acted; justice is served,” while the true culprits remain shadows, flitting just out of reach of the law’s grasp. One must ask, when will the real perpetrators be held accountable? When will the safety of the people take precedence over this farcical display of detective work?
Until then, the gatekeeper sits in the spotlight, a reluctant actor in a play he never auditioned for, while the true architects of disaster likely watch from the wings, untouched and unseen. The people of Nairobi deserve a conclusion to this story that is rooted in truth and justice, not a poorly staged pantomime that insults the intelligence of all who bear witness to it.
Futher from the truth.
Kentainers Limited, a company that once occupied the premises, has washed its hands cleaner than Pontius Pilate, claiming they’ve since relocated to the Industrial Area. But a name has emerged from the smoke and debris—Derrick Kimathi. This owner defends himself with the audacity of a cat claiming it never touched the goldfish, stating that not only is there no gas refilling happening on his property, but that the lorry with the cylinders was an uninvited guest that trespassed on his property, which ostensibly only houses a garage.
One cannot help but marvel at the theater of the absurd unfolding before our eyes. As the dust settles on this tragedy, one thing remains clear: Kenyans deserve better than this dangerous farce. They deserve safety, accountability, and a government that doesn’t play hot potato with their lives. God save Kenya, indeed, because it seems we’re in dire need of divine intervention.
Whoever wrote this is genius! The government has been exposed of its inefficiency